Thursday, December 09, 2004

AOL is the devil!

I'm in pain. Serious pain. Agonizing pain. The kind of pain that gets so intense that you wish you were dead (until the pain goes away and you wish that you didn't wish you were dead). No, I didn't have a cavity filled without novocaine. No, I didn't just pass a kidney stone. Multiply both of those times 10. Ready? I just got off the phone with AOL customer support.

Here's the story. I tried out AOL for one of their "Get 26 million free hours" offers. It has been years since I've been a member and I was just curious if I was missing anything interesting... I wasn't. So I wanted out. That's where the pain all started...

AOL: "Thanks for calling AOL. How can we help you?"
Me: "I'd like to cancel the service. I did the free trial and I don't want to join."
AOL: "May we ask why you're canceling?"
Me: "I just didn't see anything I was interested in. At least nothing worth paying for."
AOL: "Maybe I can help. What exactly were you looking for?"
Me: "I'm actually quite busy and in a bit of a hurry so unfortunately I don't have time for this survey. Can you please just cancel my account."
AOL: "Not so fast. We need to have a reason that you're cancelling."
Me: "I told you. I just didn't see anything worth paying for."
AOL: "Well what exactly were you looking for?"
Me: "I was looking for sports and entertainment. O.K.? Are you happy now? I gave you a specific reason. Now please just cancel my account like I asked."
AOL: "In that case, let me give you some areas in our sports and entertainment sections that I think you'll find interesting. Have you tried keyword..."
Me: "No, no, no. You don't understand. I don't want to check out any more areas. I just want to cancel the service."
AOL: "You said you weren't able to find anything worth paying for, right?"
Me: "That's right. Exactly. Thank you."
AOL: "So that's why I'm going to point out some areas of the site that you may find are worth paying for."
Me: "But I don't want to spend any more time on your service. I'm not interested. Get it? I want out. No more. Please please please just cancel my account."
AOL: "There's no need to get hostile sir. I'll tell you what I'll do for you. I'll extend your free trial another month so you'll have plenty of time to check out these new areas I'm giving you for free. Then, if you're still not interested, we can cancel your account."
Me: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Don't give me more free hours. I don't want them. I can't take it anymore. I don't care if you give me the rest of the year for free. You could give me a free subscription for life and I'm still NOT INTERESTED!!! Just cancel my account. I'm begging you!"
AOL: "Calm down sir. I'm sure you can find the time to check out just a few more areas of our award winning service. We've got an excellent choice of entertainment and sports programming to choose from..."
Me: "That's it. Let me speak to your supervisor right now."
AOL: "Come on sir. I don't think that's really necessary. I'll go ahead and extend that free trial like we discussed..."

I better stop. I'm starting to experience the pain just writing about it.


At 5:54 PM, Blogger David Cowan said...

Still aughing out loud! sorry...


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