Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Senseless Traffic

An hour and a half to drive home the other night. It would have been quicker on a 12 mph Segway. I hate traffic. Can't stand it. But if there's gonna be traffic... I mean serious traffic. I'm talking bumper to bumper, stop and go, never getting the speedometer past 3 mph kind of traffic... At least let it be for a good cause. I mean I better see some serious multi car pileup in front of an overturned truck full of explosives with anthrax scattered all over the road. I need at least 3 fire trucks, 4 ambulances, 6 cop cars and a dozen tow trucks. That at least would put my nightmarish commute into perspective. But that was far from the case the other night. Can you guess what the big catastrophy was holding up thousands of tired, stressed out commuters? Are you ready? One car pulled off to the side of the road (that's right - off to the SIDE of the road - it wasn't even blocking one lane) with the hood open. That's it. I kid you not. But wait. It gets even better. The car was pulled off to the side of the OTHER side of the highway. It wasn't even near the median. Heck, I doubt I could throw a rock that far from the lane I was in. Will someone please explain to me why on God's earth must everyone stop to look at a car with its hood up. Why? Why? Why? I can't figure it out for the life of me.

But I'm tired of it already. I've had enough. So instead of complaining, I've decided to come up with a solution. Here goes. From now on, if you slow your vehicle down even 10 mph to glance at any vehicles that do not have blood or fire at the scene, you are guilty of traffic congestion. And the penalty - your car is confiscated... Forever! End of story. No more car. Take Bart. Catch a cab. Hitchhike. I don't care. But you have lost your right to drive on my road. Now if I could just get this submitted as a ballot initiative by the next election...


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