Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Middle Names

O.K., I give up. I cannot for the life of me figure out what the point is of a middle name. It's just sort of there but it doesn't really serve any purpose. Sort of like the Vice President. In fact, the only time I ever recall it being used was when I was in trouble growing up. I mean, every day of the year I'm known as Glenn. Nothing fancy. Short and sweet. But the minute I started roughhousing with my brother and he started screaming, you'd hear these loud, pronounced footsteps from the floor above followed by those ominous words: "GLENN ALAN ZWEIG, YOU COME UP HERE THIS INSTANT" Once you heard that middle name called out, that's when you knew you were in deep doodoo. Had she simply yelled: "Glenn, come up here this instant!", I would have continued pouncing on my brother and wouldn't have given her a second thought. But once she would get pushed over the edge and utilize that middle name, it was like a death sentence. It wasn't a matter of whether you'd be sent to your room but how long your sentence would last. Oh those were the days... But I diggress. The point is, it's been about 25 years since I've ever heard any utterrance of my middle name and if I were a betting man, I'd say another 25 years will come and go without any mention of it... So long as I stay out of trouble.


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