Friday, December 02, 2005

A little help for Dubya

I'm not afraid to admit that I'm no fan of the President. While I love to mock him as much as the next guy, I'm actually getting a little soft in my heart so I've come up with a way to help him out. It hit me while I was watching Millionaire the other day. What the president needs is lifelines. So next time he's at a press conference it would go something like this:

Bush: Next question please.
Journalist 1: Mr President, you have been accused of lying to the American people. How do you respond?
Bush: Good question. I'm gonna go ahead and ask the audience on that one.
Moderator: Mr President, the audience says that indeed, you have been lying through your teeth.
Bush: Well, they're stupid.
Journalist 2: Mr President, what exactly is our exit strategy on Iraq?
Bush: Oh, I'm not crazy about that one. Let's phone a friend. Let's call...hmmm... let's try Dick Cheney.
Dick Cheney: Mr President, we don't have an exit strategy. Remember our little discussion this morning?
Bush: That's good. That's good. I'll use that. O.K., I'll go with what Dick just said.
Journalist 3: Mr President, who do you support in the upcoming Israeli elections?
Bush: I'll go ahead and phone a friend again. Let's try Condoleeza Rice this time.
Moderator: Ummm, Mr President, I'm afraid you've already used that lifeline. You can't use it twice in one press conference.
Bush: Damn! I mean darn. Well o.k., can we do a 50/50 and eliminate two of the wrong answers?
Moderator: Ummm, I guess so... But this wasn't really meant to be a multiple choice question.
Bush: Oh, I know I know. Let's switch the question then. Hee hee hee. Ask me about my ranch or something. Come on folks. Throw me a bone, would ya?

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