Thursday, January 12, 2006

No more pennies please

I hate pennies. Hate 'em. You can't do anything with them. They're so small a currency these days that they're practically worthless. Heck, they don't even match the color of my other coins. Is there anybody reading this blog who would feel somehow cheated if every business from this day forward had to round up to the nearest nickle? If you're anything like me (and I pray that you're not that misfortunate), your nightstand consists of a book, an alarm clock, your wallet, keys, a nightlight, perhaps a few scattered receipts, and 163 pennies (of course, if you have a mischievous toddler, those 163 pennies are on the floor half the time but that's a story for another day). I mean, I don't even like carrying them around if for nothing other than giving exact change. It's not worth the weight. So what's a man to do?

Funny you ask. Just last week I finally decided that I had had enough and wasn't going to accept any more pennies. That's it. No mas. Finished. The challenge is how to properly convey my stance to merchants without giving the wrong message. Why just the other day I was going to pick up my clothes from the dry cleaners...

Me: "How much do I owe you?"
Dry Cleaner Lady: "That be $4.98"
Me: "O.K. Here's $5. Have a nice day."
Dry Cleaner Lady: "Wait a minute. Don't forget change."
Me: "Oh no thanks. I don't want the pennies."
Dry Cleaner Lady: "Oh... nice tip mista. Thanks. This go long way to paying for kid college."
Me: "Sorry. I didn't mean it that way. It's not a tip. I just don't need the pennies."
Dry Cleaner Lady: "Oh now I see. You mista big shot. You too big for pennies. Pennies chump change for you."
Me: "No, not that either. I just find them a nuisance, that's all. Sorry for the confusion. "
Dry Cleaner Lady: "No, no. Me sorry to inconvenience you. I don't mean to burden you with such trivial matters as change."
Me: "Never mind. In fact, I changed my mind. I'll take the pennies now. Thank you."

And just like that, I'm back to collecting pennies on my nightstand.

6 Comments:

At 9:56 PM, Blogger Audi said...

I to despise pennies. When I get them as change I tell them to keep them for someone who is short a penny or two. I also find the need a penny containers quite helpful in those situations that you get the dredded useless change

 
At 10:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why do 30% of all your stories revolve around the dry cleaners?

 
At 10:46 PM, Anonymous The Other Z said...

What a rip-off!!! It seems that Glenn is already starting to recycle some of his old content. To be fair, his comedic rhythm and style has improved quite a bit since his lackluster December 2004 posting on pennies (http://zhumor.blogspot.com/2004/12/keep-change.html)

 
At 10:26 PM, Blogger Tarun Theogaraj said...

While I found your post on pennies amusing, what really got me laughing was the comment by arthritis finger pain :) Yup, that'll definitely solve your pennies problem

 
At 2:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I HAVE 600 PENNIES THAT I WILL SHIP TO U FOR A 5 DOLLAR BILL,GRANDPA MORT.

 
At 11:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

do you know that a penny is now worth more than a penny? just for the copper alone?

 

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